Life has been crazy to say the least. Lots of twists and turns, trials, changes, let downs, questions and so forth.
But we wouldn’t be continually growing, we wouldn’t have a cause to draw closer to our Lord if it weren’t for such “disturbances”.
Are they really disturbances? I am a type A person. I like things in order, logical, explainable, routine, predictable. I have learned that when MY plans get disrupted or changed I feel like I am in a spiral spinning fast out of control. But then I am left wondering who am I to be in control. It’s not for me to be in control, not now not never. That’s God’s job. He is the creator, author, finisher. He sees the chaos (or so I feel that’s what it is.) He knows my heart longings, my desires, my confusion. He meets me where I am at, even on days when praying is hard.
These testing and trials are only momentary. I know they are meant for growth and a deeper relationship. But what my heart says and what my head say are conflicting. Where is my trust? Am I adult enough to trust in My God to work it all out for good?
In the past two weeks our plans have been disrupted, faced with tons of unknowns, left confused, asked tons of questions, seen loss, cried numerous tears, felt heartbreak for numerous reasons. But with all that we have also seen God’s faithfulness in things not being worse, His protection, His provision, His love and care, we have felt His peace, rested in His comfort, and laid a lot at His feet. He is ever present, even in hard and trying times. Why does it take highly emotional and unexpected things to bring us to the ultimate point of yielding and surrendering to our Savior and His plans for us?
Do I want to repeat these past weeks? No. Do I wish them on anyone? Never. Do I understand them? Not really. Am I willing to seek God and learn from what He is trying to teach us through it all? Yes. Am I willing to lay my desires at His feet? Yes.
These past two weeks have reinforced the truths I hold dear about my Lord.
I was reminded of this song I was taught when I went to Nigeria.
In English it reads—
I must go with Jesus anywhere
No matter the roughness of the road
I must go, I must go
It doesn’t say I will go, I may go, I might go….It says I MUST go. “When God calls us to it, He will bring us through it.” As a child of the King, we are obligated to go where He calls us to, go through what He has laid before us and to seek Him in the process. So despite the aching we are feeling now, we know it’s only temporary. How great is our God to love us through good and bad, easy and hard? May we continue to feel Him close no matter what we are going through.