Letting Go!

This has been a post in the makings of my mind for over a month now. It’s amazing that no matter how many times you sit in front of the screen, something that is so dear to your heart just won’t come to words, so the screen has been blank but my mind full. Today I am attempting again, feeling inspired and renewed.

Childhood…This period of time that only spans for a few short years in lieu of a lifetime. A series of years filled with awe and wonder, growth and curiosity, hope and trust. Childhood…What do you remember about it? Your friends, the games you played, the toys you had, the adventures you had (even if they were only in your imagination).

This topic of childhood has fascinated me since we started schooling our boys last year. I have moments where I feel an overwhelming guilt for the things their going to miss out on. I crave to pack lunches and write notes on napkins. I long for them to be able to dig deep into the depths of their memories as adults and walk back through the school in their minds and remember how big everything seemed. I ache for them to have that one teacher who made all the difference in their education. It may seem silly but these things, though they were insignificant as a child, seem real and important to me now as a mom. Are my kids missing out?

The age-old question every parent wrestles with, whether homeschooler, public or private schooler, we each have our questions and doubts about what is best for our children. What will they experience? Some say homeschoolers are sheltered and unsocial. I am realizing how untrue this statement is. My children are getting some similar opportunities as those who go away. And though I may not be packing lunches everyday, hearing the horrible jokes that another student taught them, or even going to parent teacher conferences; I am going to be that one teacher that changes who they are.

Today, we embarked on a new step in this parenting and childhood area. (This year we joined a homeschool group.) My boys, went away with other mothers and students on a field trip (4 to be precise). And though they aren’t back yet. I am feeling my heartstrings pang. Pang with excitement, nervousness, praise, fear, hope, and more. I rest in knowing they are in good hands with friends they have grown to enjoy. I am nervous not knowing how they will behave away from me. But this is all a part of parenting. I need to give them wings to fly. Yes it may only be a field trip, today, but tomorrow it may be something bigger, more daring, are we ready for it? Today will show if we can give a little more freedom to grow, or if we need to do more training before we try again. And you know what. I got to pack lunches, draw cool pictures on their bags, write on their napkins, and my husband got to make them apple puzzles. Who needs a formal school setting to have similar experiences? We need to be open and alert to those opportunities before us. Each new day offers us choices. Will we see them?

So today, I relinquish my hearts longings for my kids to experience similar things as I did and I rest in knowing that God has their story planned out and it is far more amazing than I could ever imagine.

Oh to be a child again.

“Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” Luke 18:16-17 NASB

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School of Life

The school of life…..Where is it taking you? What have you learned? What are you going to learn? Who is your teacher? Who are your peers? Are you late? Are you always on time? Are you organized? Do you procrastinate? How did you do on that test? Are you failing? Are you an honor student? Do you have a diploma? Do you have a Bachelor’s degree? Or are you going for a Master’s or Doctorate? Are you popular? Are you a bully? Are you the head of the class? Are you forgotten?

The school of life….

Quite the complex schooling. You are always learning, always growing, failing and passing, you will always be known and not known, you will either make time or loss it, you will always aim for higher achievements, but what is the ending?

God orchestrated the school of life for His honor and glory. Am I in the classes I thought I would be in? Absolutely not…but my Principal knows best and has placed me where He wants me and where He knows I will succeed, even if it is through some failures. God is in control. So what do we do with our school record up until now? God has signed off on it with His son’s death on the cross. Christ’s blood has covered that which I have done and continues to cover each step from the time I met Him and allowed Him to be the Master of my school.

It never ceases to amaze me, His hand in everything, His perfect will in everything, His plan in everything. And though we don’t see all the answers or all He has protected us from, He chooses to reveal Himself in ways that are completely undeniable.

As I continue on this journey of schooling my children at home, I am given daily, an insight into how God must view us. Picture your life as a student under God’s guiding hand and direction. Are you willing to be corrected? Are you willing to try your hardest, even if it seems to hard? Are you will to push through the no so fun to get to the fun? Are you willing to listen? Are you willing to change? Are you willing to learn from your mistakes? I deal with this each day with my children. They want to quit when the work seems too hard. How often do I do that to God? They don’t always accept correction. Am I doing the same thing to my Teacher? The boring work is handled carelessly but the fun work is taken with diligence. Do I do that? Do I only want to do the glorious things God has for me or am I diligent in the monotony of life as well as the excitement of life? They quit when they are so close to finishing. Do I do the same?

Maybe it wasn’t my idea to homeschool. Maybe God saw I needed to learn just as much as my children did. Am I willing to learn what He has to teach me? Am I willing to be corrected and redirected? May my focus continue to be challenged, shaped and changed by my Teacher, as my children are by me. And ultimately may they find the peace, joy, and challenge of having Him as their Teacher as well.

I am not perfect but God continues to teach me that He is the ultimate authority in my school of life and with Him in control I have nothing to fear and I can rest in the fact the He knows what is best for me in the end.

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