It may seem trite but bear with me….
I am starting my entries out with THE WAY I SEE IT….
Because that is exactly it. Others who went through similar things don’t see things as I do. Even my hubby doesn’t. It doesn’t mean that I am right or he is right or they way others see it is right. It is what it is when you have come through such an experience.
Here are some pictures to clarify my thoughts before I continue…
You see the picture on the left and I see the picture on the right.
There are times sitting out with my kids that I view this and *BAM* I am taken back to the right. I am taken back to the aftermath.
You see the left I see the right.
I never know when it will hit me. But it literally takes my breathe away. Makes me almost physically sick.
You see the left I see the right.
Even on a bright sunny day. I find myself checking the windows waiting for the inevitable that I know won’t come. There are those sunshiney days where I am afraid to go outside because my mind sees water even though there is none there.
You see the left I see the right.
This wasn’t even at the worst. But this was when we realized that leaving by car was not an option. It still makes me sick (again almost physically) to drive at night anywhere near this creek. To even walk to the back of our property in the dark is breathe taking. Because I still hear the water. I still feel the fear. I still see it rising!
You see the left I see the right.
I can still just stand paralyzed by times looking over the property. It is gut wrenching. That lump in my throat appears, the tears well up in my eyes and my heart sinks. I know in reality that the waters are gone and it is ok. But my mind still takes me back. Still is there and it sneaks up on me at the weirdest most random times.
So this is the way I see it. Even a year later. Even after the cleanup is done, the water is nestled sweetly in its banks (actually quite low for this time of year). It never bothered me before Lee when the creek broke its banks because the highest it ever came was the 1/3 of the way to our house from the creek bank. Not far at all. But this totally rocked my world. Its something one could not prepare enough for. Something you seriously think in your little sheltered mind that it only happens by large bodies of water. You really would scold me for such thinking, considering that I watched Hurricane Floyd shut down most of Philadelphia for almost 2 weeks when I was in High School(after the waters went down, imagine these waters coming over the bridge, it happened). I wasn’t completely sheltered to raging water. But in the city there are tons of hills and it never got anywhere close to our house or the houses of people we knew. There is also the dynamic of having other people to watch after and care for. Nothing can ever prepare a parent to have to wake up 3 toddlers and pack the most important things in two backpacks and leave in like 5 minutes. Nothing can prepare someone (who thinks they have finally found “home” -here on earth-) to just leave it all behind not knowing what they will find when they return. Nothing seems to ease my nerves when that big storm comes with thunder and lightning. I get taken back to that guest bedroom (where we evacuated to) trying to sleeps and just praying that it would end, that the thunder would stop, that the rain would cease, that the nightmare would end. But that is all how I still see it. There are blessings and many lessons that have come from this. I will cover that in another post. But for this post I wanted you to see things how I see them sometimes. It isn’t everyday but it still happens when I least expect it. So until the next entry…….
God's Ducks 